You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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