break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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