i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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