babies were throwing up all over the place
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
