I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
