I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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