his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
