i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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