NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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