your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
