I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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