she was so not down for the gang bang
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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