U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
