Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
My ass is underappreciated
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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