Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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