the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
