i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
