I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
