spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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