i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
