so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
