is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
