so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I AM VODKA MAN
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
