This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
