I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
