I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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