Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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