I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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