Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
