Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
