Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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