My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
