lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize