dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
