whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
