I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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