so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
