I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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