I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The beer is more important than you right now.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
