Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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