is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
