You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
its not stalking. its research.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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