Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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