Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
