kristin has been a bad kristin
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
