My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
