hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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