Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
