Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
