Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
