She's JV to your varsity
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
