Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize