i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
