problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
