Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize