So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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