It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
