I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Randomize
