dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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