butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
