I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i love accidental penises.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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