ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize