Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
