my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
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