taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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