Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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