I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
