He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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