Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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