a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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