she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
