i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize