Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
