im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
