When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
