your thong is hanging out like whoa
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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