I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
