About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
