i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize