I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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