I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Dear god my vagina.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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